regret

serious shit..rase menyesal tahap gaban x balek umah minggu ni.. kalo tau jadi mcm ni memang awl2 aku balek..duk cni bukan dpt ape pon...study kat umah, jage mak lagi bagus...daripada duk cni..ari2 nangis, tension..gerammmmmm

i dun know y

i dun know y certain always make a promise but never ever want to fulfill it..really hate it..they only know how to talk and make a promise but never learn how to make it...

just bear in your mind...dun make ur promise if u think u cant make it..tq

alhamdulillah

alhamdulillah my mom is getting better day to day..she just need enuff rest..huhu and i'll be back to my u after two weeks i spent my time with my mom..huhu i feel reluctant actually to go back there but i have to ..only one week left for me to catch up for exam..n by hook or by crook i have to do so..strive for excellent..so i really hope everything will be fine...hhuhu wish me luck for my final...muahhhh

life time experience

almost one week i spent my time in hospital, accompany my mom in hospital pakar putri jb..it was one time life experience...because nobody in my family has admitted to hospital.
but last tuesday i got a called from my dad said that my mom was admitted to hospital.. n it really surprising and frighten me..really i burst into tears and lost my focus... i just got back and packing to go back to jb on the spot.

1030 pm my bro n i arriving at hospital and we got to know that my mom was in HDU
high dependency unit.. and my mom's condition was really bad at that time... she was depending to the oxygen..n plus nobody was allowed to stay in hdu to accompany..

the next day, wed i get to see my mom. n it was better than yesterday, she had to have water retention to let go the excessive of water in her body.. at the afternoon, doc said to transfer my mom to icu.. INtensive care unit.. and only one person is allowed to visit for each patient..so many relatives come to visit my mom...and my mom did not stop talk and keep talking even though the doc ask my mom to less talking...huhu then late at night i overnight in the hospital to accompany my mom..huhu.. so many things happen in the hosp during that night..hahha n really give me an experience to it..

the next day, doc said that my mom can transfer to normal ward, so it was a good news for us ...huhu n my mom was better..doc just want to release all the water excessive inside the body

then after two days my mom had to do her second x ray n the doc found that there is the blockage inside her heart then he suggested my mom to do angioplasty to identify which blood vessel that had a blockage.
then after discussing with my dad, then doc had make an appointment to make the angioplasty tomorrow exactly on my mom's birthday 20th april 2010.

huhu really hope everthing will be better..i just want my mom will get back to normal and stay healty ...really hope that my mom will get better soon...huhu love u mak

Inner conflict

Mary Casanova says, “We all struggle. We carry around inner conflict in the private places of our hearts where we search for our identity; we struggle with ego, pride, and jealousy; we cry out for love and yearn to be heard; and we try to listen to the small, still voice of God. The heart is a place of darkness and light, often in conflict with itself. It is from the heart that conflict originates and resolution emerges, and in the heart that change and personal growth occur.”

Caro Clarke says, “Conflict is opposing desires, mismatches, uncertainty, deadlines, pressures, incompatible goals, uneasiness, tension. We are all caught up in some of these conflicts every day. And, so should your characters. A convincing story has many conflicts built into it, layered and connected. The first layer is inside your characters. Once you know what these are, you can use them to make the conflicts between the characters more convincing and interesting.

“A character's inner conflict is not just being in two minds about something, not just being torn between obvious incompatibles (“I want to be a priest, and yet I love her”) but is about being in a new situation where old attitudes and habits war with and hinder the need for change. For instance, a man who drives himself to succeed because he doesn't want to be like his happy-go-lucky father is suddenly confronted with a situation where he isn't winning. Or an executive discovers that her ambition to be vice president of her company is being thwarted by her own self-doubt. This war inside each of your characters makes them act and react in complex ways.

“You show these internal conflicts not by means of internal dialogue (which is a cop-out and is dull), but by showing your characters responding to their own inner compulsions. She, for instance, decides to confront her own self-doubts by taking on a no-win project where the local people are opposing a development. She is determined to be hard-nosed, prove she's vice-president material. He is always confrontational, fearing that one minute of negotiation would be the first step to becoming a wimp like his father. You have a grade-A opposites-attract situation here, yet it is believable because we understand why each of them is acting the way they do, why they are foolishly stubborn, by it's important for each of them to win.

“A character's inner conflict can be between what he thinks he wants and what he really wants… Conflict must always be resolved, and every layer you create needs its closure. A satisfying and economical way of achieving this is to use one big knot to close two or more conflicts together in the same action or in a double whammy, where one leads ineluctably to the next.”

stop the tears

3 30 am

at the middle of night, in an empty dark room i burst into tears and all of a sudden of nowhere i can't stop crying and i had no idea on it.. for the past this few weeks..almost everyday i had been crying..I don't know, what happen to myself lately...i become super duper sensitive and when its pressure, my heart will ache , migrain and its really pain... sometimes i would like to just let it go and forget everything just like that..but it seems is not work out..

i miss my cousin, the one who understand who i am, someone who comfort me and support me in everything i do.. i wish to hug her now..i need her shoulder for me to cry on.... god, can u give me an extra ordinary strength so that i can be stronger and tougher and stop crying so i will not feel the pain..

i sick of it..really from now onwards i promise to myself to take care of myself and try to be a better person..i sick of been crying for unknown reason, feeling uncertainty and pressure and know it has lead to depression... i already had a symptom of depression...

i just need a strength to be stronger...to stand on it

i will

i need a shoulder to cry on

can i hug u, i need ur shoulder to cry on...
dib, please stop crying...it won't settle anything even though it release ur pain but it just be the same...

tension!!!

why there is always the problem whenever i get back to u...i hate it...stress please be far from me..i dun understand why it always happen to me... migraine, problem, stress..
can sumbody help me to handle stress???

ME AMOR

You took the apple from the tree
And gave the fruits of love to me
But love is blind I couldn't see

The day has come the years will go by
Things have changed have opened my eyes
And I tried to hide the feeling inside
And I can't hide my feelin' inside
But you know and you know and you know

I never expected to feel this way
I never suspected I’d want to say
The things to you
That I want to

I never thought that a love could grow
From something that started out so slow
But I know how I feel
And I know that it’s for real

I've got your love in my veins
It's gonna ease the pain
In my heart, in my heart

You make me want to change my life
You make me want to turn around
And call it lost, at any cost
And call you found

You make me want to love you more
Then anything I’ve done before
I only want to hold you tight
Each and every night

You make me want to change my life
I thought that my life was set
But you showed me that it wasn’t yet
Now I’m up in the air
But I don’t really care

The fever of love is like a hundred above
You are the one that turns me on
You are my adrenalin
You are the guardian of my soul

thanx for entering my life
and make me happy
love u very much
ME AMOR

imy

3 job done for this week..and another thing to be done for next is just hrd group assignment, company law assignment and labor economic test...
i had break a record..3 weeks berturut2 i'm going back to jb..i dun know for wat reason..but i just want to go back... and for this week i take extra time from thursday to tuesday then i going back to u..huhu
but i feel something missing..only god knows what is it...huhu